WHEN I DREAM OF CHRISTMAS
MESSAGE FROM OUR WORTHY GRAND MATRON...
Notice to all members:
Due to the flooding in Western Washington, Grand Secretary Sandra Henry cannot get out of her house and surrounding area. She will not be in the office for at least today (December 3, 2007).
HUGS,
** WGM Marjoe Richards
Quoting Brother Phil: Many of you know that I am a history buff, especially Masonic History. Many of us would like to speak 2 languages. Do you know that you all do? The first is the one we all have spoken most of our life. The second is a beautiful and simple form of communication, which is simply the language of symbolism.
In Eastern Star, the meaning of what we do has been handed down by word of mouth, but much of the meanings have been lost. As a result some of us have never heard the messages our symbolic work teach. We do things especially the floor work simply because we have always done it that way. The truth is that because we don't understand the symbolic meaning of the work. We fall back on old familiar ways and loose the symbolic meaning.
Tonight I will talk about the Triangle. It is one of the more important geometrical figures in our Order. The Equilateral triangle is considered a perfect geometric figure a sit is composed of three equal sides and three equal angles. Because of this, the equilateral triangle is considered to be symbolic of GOD - the perfect Being. The 3 legs of the Triangle represents GOD'S almighty power ... GODS all embracing love ... and GODS all knowing wisdom. In our work the first time we see a triangle is when the Associate Conductress, Worthy Patron and the Associate Patron enter the Chapter Room. If we consider the East the highest point in our Order, then the triangle they have formed points upward. This is known as the Earthly Triangle. It represents the craving of humanity, our longing for a clearer understanding of the spiritual way of life, and our desire for a clearer understanding of God's will for us. Through this formation we are asking God for guidance in that which we are about to say and do. We see this same triangle again in the salutation sign. Here the significance is the same as when we are holding the small Bible during the Obligation. We are asking God's blessing and help to enable us to keep the promises we make and on what which we are about to do. In the balloting triangle, we are asking God to guide us to do that which is right in our balloting.
The second triangle is called Deity's Triangle. A downward pointing one. It represents the inspiration provided by God and God's answer to the aspiration of God's people. We see this triangle each time the Star Point Officers give their lectures. It is formed by the Conductress, the new member and the Star Point Officer and represents the inspiration that comes from the lessons of our heroines which should give guidance for the way we live our lives. The Deity's Triangle is seen also in proving our Chapter. As the Conductress and Associate Conductress move on the floor, they form a triangle with the Associate Matron as the apex. The Altar is central to our Chapter room. It is the most important object that we have. It is the heart of the Star symbolizing that its light should illumine not only our hearts but should shine through our lives to light the pathways of other people. Perhaps we should remember that the Altar is a raised place for worship. Then we might never forget that we are to sacrifice pride and prejudice to show forth charity, kindness and love that is the true worship God would have us offer. The visible Altar in our Chapter is at the center of the base line of the invisible triangle which has its apex in the East and its two points on the edge of the Labyrinth. The Holy Bible is placed in the center of the base line of that triangle as the source of our inspiration and a symbol of God's answer to our needs and longings. Once the Bible is placed on the Altar it becomes known as a prepared Altar and then symbolizes the Spirit of God in the human heart. When the Bible is opened, the invisible triangle is known as the symbolic Altar and represents the divine sacrifice made for the redemption of all humankind. It creates within it a holy area and it is the reason we never cross between the open Bible on the Altar and the East. The Star Point Officers are located around the symbolic Altar as guardians. This is the reason that these officers turn and face the Altar whenever anyone is to enter the Labyrinth and approach the Altar once the Bible has been or is to be opened. There are many more points to be made in the symbolism of our Order so I will stop here and save the rest for another day. I hope you have enjoyed some of this as I surely have.
(To be continued ...)
MESSAGES FROM MY MAILBOX ...
Prayers are needed ... big time!
Connie,
Was just in to see Kay (Smith) while she is in the hospital. She and
Jim could use all the prayers and thoughts. She is a fighter and promises
to do so but I can see that it is taking it's toll on her. She is in room
103, Central Washington Hospital, 1201 So. Miller, Wenatchee, WA 98801. I
am sure she would love cards of encouragement.
** Steve Guffy
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
How
does Santa Claus take pictures?
With a North Pole-aroid camera.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Masonic Family Holiday Party ...
Hosted by the Grand Lodge of Washington in conjunction with the Grand Chapter-Order of the Eastern Star is on Sunday, December 9, 2007 to be held at the Landmark on the Sound, in the dining hall, starting at 1:00 PM and concluding at about 3:00 PM. Both hosts will present gifts to the residents to get them in-tuned with the joyous holiday season. We are requesting everyone to bring a couple dozen cookies to share with the retirement residents and guests. The hosts will provide milk and other beverages. The Filipino Masons of Greater Seattle will donate fruit and vegetable trays with their appropriate dips supplemented by some cheese and crackers. Everyone is to bring cheers and joy to the party and we will sing Holiday Sing-along melodies. This is also a chance to bring your Toys for Tots donations. The Toy Box and Donation Can are going to be available at this event. Please R.S.V.P. to RWB G. Santy Lascano, Junior Grand Warden – g.santy@comcast.net before December 7, 2007.
** RWB G. Santy Lascano, JGW, GL of WA
Oooh! Sounds absolutely wonderful! Count both Ted and I in ... along with several dozen cookies and a toy for the Toys for Tots!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
What
is Frosty's favorite breakfast cereal?
Snow Flakes.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Alma Chapter News ...
Alma Chapter #100 will be having a special meeting for the Official Visit of the WGM on Friday, December 14th at 7:30 pm at the Kennewick Masonic Center. They also have their regular meeting, Tuesday, December 4th at 7:30 pm. This will be their Christmas meeting. Everyone is asked to bring a finger food refreshments and a $10 gift for exchange.
Thank you for all you do in keeping us all informed and enlightened!
Bear Hugs -
** Sue Finney, PM, Liberty #51, Shelley, ID, Radiant #12, Salt Lake City, UT, Living in Kennewick, WA
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Mark your calendars ...
Need some crocheting patterns??
I
found a bunch at http://www.crochetp
I have never tried any of them but I just may now. I should
finish one project I am on today (A poncho shawl for my wife) so it would be
a good time to try something new.
** Brother Mitch Duszynski, Associate Patron (4x PP), Hope Chapter #104,
Urbana-Champaign, Illinois GGC
At our next meeting, December 6, we will ballot on the petition of Curtis Waitter. On December 20 we plan to initiate Curtis and the first of the Powell family, Katie. This will not be a regular meeting but a special. We will open, do initiation, and close. Please plan to join us.
** Marge Soles
Food quantity information …
Here is a website
to try:
http://members.
** Jo C Knibb Head, Kirkwood Chapter #358, St. Louis, Mo GGC
Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out
a little prophet.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Merry Tossmas ...
Click on the red light on the traffic light to activate.
This is good and so true........And it is great to see someone say something http://www.citizenlink.org/Stoplight/A000005834.cfm
** Shared by hubby, Ted
- - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant
lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sadness ...
Mary Figg passed away on November 26th. A memorial service will be announced at a later day, to be held at the Pyramid Masonic Center in Federal Way. Cards can be sent to her son William R. Miller, 30725 - 21st Ave SW, Federal Way 98023.
New address ...
Alice Beals is now at a new location. She would love to have cards and/or calls from members. New address: Foss Village - Cottage F, 154 North 130th Street #F2, Seattle WA 98133. Her phone: 206-783-5680.
Glass candlesticks make elegant pedestals for oversized ornaments. Use Tacky Wax to keep them stable.
Take photos of family and friends in holiday sweaters. Group the images on a bulletin board topped with pretty paper.
Give those Christmas cards a chance to shine. Frame a doorway with them or create a collage on the door itself.
December 15 ... GL: Rainier Lodge, No. 189, Installation at Greenwood Masonic Center; 10:30 AM; Lunch Following. Ladies.
December 16 ... GL: Family Day.
December 17 ... GL: Renaissance Lodge No. 312 Stated and Installation. 630 PM; Dinner: 7:30 PM.
December 19 ... GL: National Sojourners Christmas Party - Hawthorne Suites, Smokey Point;6:00 PM; TU; Ladies.
December 24 ... GL: Christmas Eve.
December 25 ... GL: Christmas.
December 27 ... GL: St. John the Evangelist Day
December 27 ... GL: Steilacoom Lodge, No. 2, Installation of Officers; 7:30 PM. Ladies
December 31 ... GL: New Years Eve.
Holidays in December
· December 1 is National Pie Day and Eat A Red Apple Day
· December 2 is National Fritters Day
· December 3 is National Roof-Over-Your-Head Day
· December 4 is Wear Brown Shoes Day
· December 5 is National Sacher Torte Day
· December 6 is National Gazpacho Day and Mitten Tree Day
· December 7 is National Cotton Candy Day
· December 8 is Take It In The Ear Day
· December 9 is National Pastry Day
· December 10 is Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales
· December 11 is National Noodle Ring Day
· December 12 is National Ding-A-Ling Day
· December 13 is Ice Cream and Violins Day
· December 14 is National Bouillabaisse Day
· December 15 is National Lemon Cupcake Day
· December 16 is National Chocolate Covered Anything Day
· December 17 is Underdog Day and National Maple Syrup Day
· December 18 is National Roast Suckling Pig Day
· December 19 is Oatmeal Muffin Day
· December 20 is Games Day
· December 21 is Look At The Bright Side Day, National Flashlight Day, National French Fried Shrimp Day, and Hamburger Day
· December 22 is National Date-Nut Bread Day
· December 23 is Roots Day
· December 24 is National Egg Nog Day
· December 25 is National Pumpkin Pie Day
· December 26 is National Whiners Day
· December 27 is National Fruitcake Day
· December 28 is Card Playing Day and National Chocolate Day
· December 29 is Pepper Pot Day
· December 30 is Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last Minute and National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day
· December 31 is Unlucky Day
The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word
that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to
listen like one being taught. The Sovereign Lord has opened my ears, and I
have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back.
—The Bible,
Isaiah 50: 4-5
(NIV)
Subject: District No. 24 Meeting
Date: Monday, December 10, 2007
Time: 6:30 PM
Place: Waitsburg Lodge No. 16, 2nd & Main, Waitsburg
Dear Brothers,
You are cordially invited to join the members of the Lodges in District 24 to receive our Grand Master, MW Wayne I. Smith, on his Official visit.
The Waitsburg Lodge Oyster Stew will be served at 6:30 p.m. Cost is $12.00 per person. The Stated Communication of the Lodge and District meeting will be convened following dinner.
To assist in making arrangements for the meal please call 509.525.4577 or email jdmcmichael@charter.net to make a reservation.
Fraternally,
** Joe McMichael, Deputy of the Grand Master, District No. 24
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
District No. 10 Meeting & Christmas Dinner
December 14, 2007
Brethren and Guests,
Fairhaven Lodge, No. 73, and Whatcom Lodge, No. 151, cordially invite you to attend the District Meeting/Christmas Dinner at the Maplewood Masonic Center, 2626 W. Maplewood, Bellingham, on Friday, December 14th. The social hour with appetizers will start at 6 pm and dinner will be at 6:30 pm. The menu is Salmon or Prime Rib. Your entree will be served with the associated sides. The Job’s Daughters of Bethel #25 will be serving the dinner and providing the desserts for the silent dessert auction. After dinner we will retire to the Lodge Room for the program, awards and presentations, allowing the Daughters to clean up the dining room.
The cost is $20 per couple or $10 per person as the case may be. Please call 360.384.4012 or email me with your reservations at jfbradyIII@comcast.net. Meal tickets will be held "will call" at the Hall. If you choose you can mail your payment and meal request to:
James F. Brady
III
1212 Lingbloom Rd.
Bellingham, WA 98226
We have a great opportunity this holiday season to support MWBrother Wayne Smith with his philanthropic project as Grand Master, Toys for Tots. The Grand Master will have a Toys for Tots toy box and a donation can for checks and cash at each of the District Meetings he attends. All that is needed to participate is a new, unwrapped toy for the Toy Box or a monetary donation for the can.
Fraternally,
** VW James F. Brady III, DDGM District No. 10
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - -
“CHRISTMAS AT THE LODGE”-
AUTHOR UNKNOWN
I don’t believe in a Christmas celebration by the lodge. I don’t think we ought to have one, or be asked to contribute to one or in any way engage in Christmas festivities. The Junior Mason spoke emphatically and with marked disapproval of the little anteroom group nearby, making happy plans for Yuletide.
“That’s very interesting,” commented the Old Past Master. I like to hear points of view unfamiliar to me. Would you mind telling me why?”
“Of course not it’s very simple. Masonry is not Christian. King Solomon, of course, was not a Christian, nor was either of the Hiram’s. Masonry admits to her ranks any good man of faith; Christian, Jewish, Mohammedan, Buddhist...it makes no difference, as long as he has a Faith. Then, as a lodge, we celebrate a holiday belonging to one faith. Now I personally am a Christian, and of course, I celebrate Christmas. However, my brother across the way is a Jew, who does not recognize Christianity. To ask him to spend his proportion of lodge funds in celebrating the birth of a Leader in whom he does not believe would be exactly like asking me to celebrate, with my proportion of lodge money, the birth of Confucius. Of course, I have only one vote and the majority rules, but when it comes to personal contributions to a Masonic Christmas celebration, my hands will never come out of my pockets.” He shoved them deeper in as he spoke to emphasize his intention not to spend.
“Hum!” answered the Old Past Master. “So you think your Jewish brother across the way doesn’t recognize Christianity? Wait a minute... Oh, Brother Samuels.” The Old Past Master called across the anteroom. “Come here a minute, will you?”
The Jewish brother rose and came forward. “I just wanted to ask you if you are in favor or against the lodge Christmas celebration?” asked the Old Past Master.
“Me? I am in favor of it, of course, both for the lodge appropriation and the individual contribution.”
“Thank you,” nodded the Old Past Master. Then as the Jewish brother went back to his seat, he turned to the Junior Mason.
“You see, my son, our Jewish friend is not narrow. He does not believe in Christ as the Redeemer, but he recognizes that he lives in a country largely Christian, and belongs to a lodge largely Christian. To him the Christmas celebration is not one of His birthday, but of the spirit of joyousness and love, which we mean when we sing at Christmas time ‘Peace on earth, good will towards men!’ If you argue that ‘peace’ is only a Christian word, he might even quote to you the words of one who said ‘I bring you not Peace, but a Sword.’”
“Now let me explain something to you. The Jew has just as much right to refuse to recognize Christ as the Son of God, as you have to refuse to consider Mohammed the Prophet as the followers of Allah say he is. However, as an educated man, you must know that Mohammed was a good man, a devout leader, a wise teacher. As an educated man, you admit that the religion founded by Buddha has much in it that is good, and you admit that Confucius was a wise and just leader. Were you in the land where the birthdays of any of these were celebrated, would you refuse your part in the people’s joy in their Leader, simply because you followed another? I trust not. Well, neither does our Jewish brethren or our Mohammedan brethren, desire to be left out of our celebration. They may not believe in the Divinity of Him we, as Christians, follow, but if they are good men and good Masons... they are perfectly willing to admit that the religion we follow is as good for us as theirs is for them, and to join with us in celebrating the day which is to us the glad day of all the year.
“Believe me, boy, Christmas doesn’t mean Christ’s birthday to everyone who calls themselves a Christian. It is not because He was born that everyone celebrates Christmas. It is because his neighbor celebrates it, because it is a time of joy for little ones, because it is a day when he can express his thanks to his God that he is allowed to have a wife and family and children and friends and a lodge, because of that very ‘peace on earth’ spirit which is no more the property of the Gentile than the Jew, the Chinese or the Mohammedan.”
“It is such a spirit that Masons join, all, in celebrating Christmas. It is on the Masonic side of the tree we dance, not the Christian side. When this lodge erects its Christmas tree in the basement and throws it open to the little ones of the poor of this town, you will find children of all kinds there; black, white, yellow, and brown, Jew and Gentile, Christian and Mohammedan. In addition, you will find a Jew at the door and among the biggest subscriptions will be those from some Jewish brethren, and there is a Jew who rents cars for a living who will supply us a dozen baskets of food to take to those who cannot come. Moreover, when the Jewish Orphan Asylum has its fair in the spring, you will find many a Christian Mason attending to spend his money and help along the cause dear to his Jewish brethren, never remembering that they are of a different faith. That, my son is Masonry.” “Charity is neither Christian nor Jewish, nor Chinese nor Buddhist. And celebrations which create joy in little hearts and feed the hungry and make the poor think that Masons do not forget the lessons in lodge, are not Christian alone, though they be held at Christmas, and are not for Christians alone, though the celebration be in His honor. Recall the ritual: ‘By the exercise of brotherly love we are taught to regard the whole human species as one family, the high and low, the rich and poor, who, as created by one Almighty Parent, and inhabitants of the same planet, are to aid, support and protect each other’.
“It is with this thought that we, as Masons, celebrate Christmas, to bring joy to our brethren and their little ones, and truly observe the brotherhood of man and the Fatherhood of God, whether we be Jew or Gentile, Mohammedan or Buddhist.”
The Old Past Master ceased and stood musing, his old eyes looking back along a long line of lodge Christmas trees about which eager little faces danced. Then he turned to the Junior Mason. “Well,” he said smiling, “Do you understand now?”
“I thank you for my Christmas present,” was his answer. “Please tell me to which brother I should make my Christmas contribution?”
LOWRY'S HINTS
Beef Stir-Fry
from Campbell's Kitchen
1 lb. boneless beef sirloin steak OR beef top round steak, 3/4" thick*
2 tbsp. cornstarch
1 can (10 1/2 oz.) Campbell's(R) Condensed Beef Broth
2 tbsp. soy sauce
2 tbsp. vegetable oil
3 cups cut-up vegetables **
1/4 tsp. garlic powder OR 1 clove garlic, minced
Hot cooked rice
Directions: SLICE beef into very thin strips. Mix cornstarch, broth and soy
until smooth. Set aside. HEAT oil in skillet. Add beef and stir-fry until
browned and juices evaporate. Push beef to one side of skillet. ADD
vegetables and garlic powder and stir-fry until tender-crisp. STIR
cornstarch mixture and add. Cook and stir until mixture boils and thickens.
Serve over rice.
TIP: *To make slicing beef easier, freeze beef 1 hr.
**Use broccoli flowerets, sliced carrots and green or red pepper strips.
Serve with Hot & Crusty French Rolls. For dessert serve orange wedges. Serves 4.
Christmas
Cookies in a Jar
>From Country Woman Christmas
With layers of vanilla chips, oats and dried cranberries, this
delectable cookie mix looks as good as it tastes! For a special gift, tuck a
jar in a pretty basket with wooden spoon, cookie sheet, kitchen timer and
instructions.
1/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/8 teaspoon baking soda
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 cup quick-cooking oats
1 cup orange-flavored dried cranberries
1 cup vanilla or white chips
ADDITIONAL INGREDIENTS:
1/2 cup butter, melted
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
DIRECTIONS: In a 1-qt. glass jar, layer the sugar and brown sugar, packing
well between each layer. Combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda and
salt; spoon into jar. Top with oats, cranberries and chips. Cover and store
in a cool dry place for up to 6 months. To prepare cookies: Pour cookie mix
into a large mixing bowl; stir to combine. Beat in butter, egg and vanilla.
Cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes. Drop by the tablespoonfuls 2 in.
apart onto ungreased baking sheets.
Bake at 375° for 8-10 minutes or until browned. Remove to wire racks to
cool. Yield: 3 dozen.
NUTRITIONAL INFO: Nutrition Facts: 1 serving (2 each) equals 188 calories,
9 g fat (5 g
saturated fat), 27 mg cholesterol, 102 mg sodium, 26 g carbohydrate, 1 g
fiber, 2 g protein.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Cookie Jar Nut
Cookies
>From Best of Country Cookies
I started collecting cookie recipes when I was a teenager. These
chewy spice cookies were some of the first I ever made, and they're still a
favorite today. They can be found in my cookie jar whenever someone stops
by.
1 cup butter or margarine, softened
2 cups packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1/4 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 cup chopped walnuts
DIRECTIONS: In a mixing bowl, cream butter and brown sugar. Add eggs, one
at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in milk and vanilla.
Combine flour, baking soda, salt and nutmeg; gradually add to the creamed
mixture. Stir in walnuts. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls 2 in. apart onto
ungreased baking sheets. Flatten with a glass dipped in sugar. Bake at 350°
for 10-12 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove to wire racks to cool.
Yield: 9 dozen.
NUTRITIONAL INFO: Nutrition Facts: 1 serving (2 each) equals 104 calories,
5 g fat (2 g
saturated fat), 17 mg cholesterol, 108 mg sodium, 14 g carbohydrate, trace
fiber, 2 g protein.
- - - - - - - - - -
Cookie Jar Gingersnaps
>From Taste of Home
"My grandma kept two cookie jars in her pantry. One of the jars,
which I now have, always had these crisp and chewy gingersnaps in it,"
recalls Deb Handy of Pomona, Kansas. "They're still my favorite. My
11-year-old daughter, Becky, used this recipe for a 4-H fair and won a blue
ribbon."
3/4 cup shortening
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1/4 cup molasses
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1-1/2 teaspoons ground ginger
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
Additional sugar
DIRECTIONS: In a large mixing bowl, cream shortening and sugar until light
and fluffy. Beat in the egg and molasses. Combine the flour, baking soda,
ginger, cinnamon and salt; gradually add to creamed mixture and mix well.
Shape rounded teaspoonfuls of dough into balls. Dip one side into
sugar; place sugar side up 2 in. apart on greased baking sheets. Bake at
350° for 12-15 minutes or until lightly browned and crinkly. Remove to wire
racks to cool. Yield: 3-4 dozen.
NUTRITIONAL INFO: Nutrition Facts: 1 serving (1 each) equals 92 calories, 4
g fat (1 g
saturated fat), 6 mg cholesterol, 106 mg sodium, 13 g carbohydrate, trace
fiber, 1 g protein
Turkey Roll Ups
10 RHODES brand Dinner Rolls, thawed to room temperature
2 cups diced cooked turkey
1/2 cup mayonnaise
3/4 cup shredded fresh Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup chopped celery
2 tablespoons finely chopped green onion
1 teaspoon crushed rosemary
1/2 cup slivered almonds, toasted
salt & pepper, to taste
Spray counter lightly with non-stick cooking spray. Flatten each roll into a
4x6-inch rectangle. Cover with plastic wrap and let rest. In a bowl, combine
mayonnaise, turkey, cheese, celery, onion, rosemary, almonds, salt and
pepper. Remove wrap from dough. Divide chicken mixture equally between the
10 rectangles and spoon lengthwise down the center of each one. Starting
with a 6-inch side roll up as tightly as possible. Place seam side down on a
sprayed baking sheet. Bake at 350°F 20-25 minutes or until nicely browned.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Tips of the Day:
To get snowy white potatoes, add a teaspoon of vinegar or fresh lemon juice to the boiling water.
If you wrap fresh cranberries in an airtight bag (squeeze out the excess air), you can freeze them for almost a year. Use in recipes without defrosting.
Help keep flavors potent by storing spices away from heat, light, and moisture.
How big should the turkey be? Estimate about a pound per person; more if you like to cook with turkey leftovers.
For the best flavor, let firm cheese stand 1-2 hours at room temperature before serving.
Abraham was reading an article out loud to his wife. "Did you know that women use about 30,000 words a day, whereas men only use 15,000 words?"
Sadie replies, "The reason has to be because a woman has to say everything twice."
Abraham turns to Sadie and asks, "What?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married,
Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry. I'm just fine
considering I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a
nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother.
I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.
Thank you so much for the birthday flowers,
dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave.
Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago,
but I got to yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Berta and I dug her up and
had the services all over again. I would have invited you, but I know that
woman you live with would have never let you come. I bet she's never even
watched that videotape of my hemorrhoid surgery, has
she?
Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to
bed now. I lost my cane beating off muggers last week, but don't you worry
about me. I'm also getting used to the cold since they turned my heat off
and am grateful because the frost on my bed numbs the constant pain.
Now don't you even think about sending any more money, because I know
you need it for those expensive family vacations you take every year. Give
my love to my darling grandbabies and my regards to whatever-her-name-is
--the one with the black roots in her hair who stole you screaming from my
bosom.
Merry Christmas,
Love, Mom
- - - - - - - - - - - -
A big-city, Indianapolis lawyer went duck hunting in rural Kentucky. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."
The old farmer
replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The
indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best
trial attorneys in Indiana and, if you don't let me get that duck,
I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Kentucky. We settle small disagreements like this with the Kentucky Three-Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Kentucky Three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
No time to chit chat again! Just finished making my desserts for Chapter tonight and since they ran over in the oven, I am busy cleaning the oven. You know ... turn a couple of knobs, lock the door, and ENTER! It is getting mighty smokey in here so have a couple of windows open. I love it! Ted always says that when the smoke alarm goes off ... dinner is ready!
We had snow up to our knees, but then came the rain and the wind yesterday afternoon, last night and still today ... and as we speak, it is sinking! Ted made me four more Christmas trees to decorate so that is tomorrow's project when, hopefully, it isn't raining! I can hear you now! You won't melt! But you know sugar does so I rest my case. Yeah! Shur!
To quote Dianna in her Cyber Chat: A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. -- Walter Winchell
P. S. "The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world."